MAN BUTTER ALL OVER ARKANSAS

NATHAN STEWART / AUBURNTRON ORIGINAL

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WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EAT BBQ ON SATURDAY

CHARLESTON, SC–WHATS THAT TASTE IN MY MOUTH? MAN BUTTER? CARE BEAR SAUCE?

WORSE.

THAT TASTE WOULD BE THE UNFORTUNATE REMINENCE OF THE ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS COMING INTO OUR HOUSE LAST YEAR AND THOUROUGHLY RAPING OUR #2 TIGERS. A LOSS EVEN NASTRADAMUS HAD FAILED TO FOR-SEE. A TASTE LACED WITH SWEET AND TANGY MELVINS BBQ SAUCE. ITS A TASTE THAT HAS REMAINED CONSTANT, HAUNTING ME LIKE THOUGHT OF GARGANTUAN TRYING TO GET ME TO MAKE OUT WITH HER AT A ROSS PARK PARTY. QUIVER.

27-10. FUCK.

1 WEEK LATER. I AWAKE FROM A SHOCK RIDDEN COMA, STARING IN THE MIRROR.AFTER WIPING OFF THE WEEK OLD MELVINS BBQ SAUCE OFF MY FACE THAT HAD BEEN THERE SINCE THE PREVIOUS SATURDAY, I VOW’ED TO NEVER EAT BBQ AGAIN WHEN PLAYING ARKANSAS. I WAS LIKE A BLUNTED

PALERMO IN AN ALL YOU CAN EAT CHINESE BUFFET GUZZELING PORK AND SAUCEYNESS. SHOVING THAT PORK IN MY MOUTH DURING AND AFTER THE AUBURN LOSS MUST HAVE FELT LIKE WHAT MIKEY FELT AFTER AWAKING TO JOEL OVER TOP OF HIM IN ATL GA THE YEAR BEFORE: I DON’T RECOMMEND IT. ITS NOT SOMETHING IM PROUD OF, BUT YOU CAN AVOID THIS PAIN BY FOLLOWING 1 EASY STEP:

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT EAT BBQ ON SATURDAY.

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ITS A YEAR LATER. THINGS HAVE CHANGED. I CAN WALK INTO A MELVIN’S BBQ AGAIN AND NOT CRINGE. IM STARTINGTO ENJOY THE TASTE OF BBQ SAUCE AGAIN…AND THE THOUGHT OF SHUTTING OUT THE RAZORBACKS IN THEIR OWN STADIUM DOES TO ME WHAT LIL JON DOES IN RAP SONGS:”WHAT?”GET KRUNK.

AUBURN IS LOOKING VERY GOOD RECENTLY. WE ARE NOT TURNING THE BALL OVER. BRAD LESTER IS BACK. WE CAN RUN; OPENING UP THE PASSING GAME. OUR SPECIAL TEAM PUNTER RYAN SHOEMAKER WAS MORE THAN LIKELY GENETICALLY SPAWNED FROM OLD KODI BLISS SHOE LACES, AVERAGING 48 YARDS PER PUNT…#1 IN THE SEC. OUR GOAL SATURDAY: STOPPING MCFADDEN AND JONES. PERIOD. IF WE DO THAT. WE WILL WIN.I WILL NOT COME INTO WORK AGAIN WITH

ARKANSAS SHIT ALL OVER MY DESK. NOR WILL I BE JUMPING IN THE COUNTON2 NEWS POND IN FRONT ON MY STATION AFTER WORK ON MONDAY IN MY WORK CLOTHES….THAT BET WILL BE TAKIN’ UP BY MY

ARKANSAS PRODUCER

CRYSTAL AFTER WE RIP THROUGH THAT TEAM! YOU CAN BET ON SEEING IT HERE FIRST MONDAY AFTER THE WIN.AUBURN SOLDIERS UNITE. STEP YO SHIT UP THIS WEEKEND! JUST REMEMBER: THE HARDER WE PARTY, THE BETTER WE PLAY.SO AS I FINISH TYPING THIS WHILE TAKING AHUGE THURSDAY NIGHT DUMP…I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS…JUST LIKE A MOGWAI IN A GRIMLINS MOVIE… DO NOT EAT ANY BBQ AFTER MIDNIGHT FRIDAY. IT TURNS

ARKANSAS INTO TIGER KILLERS

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CHURN IT CHURN IT. LETS GET SOME PAYBACK! FUCK

ARKANSAS! LETS GET THROUGH THIS…LSWHO… AND GET TO

ATLANTA!WAR EAGLE! 

2 Responses to “MAN BUTTER ALL OVER ARKANSAS”


  • i just thursday night shat my pants, hilarious!

  • Wow, I mean you can really see into the head of Nathan while reading this. I could actually see him sitting on the shitter and “pounding” this out on the keyboard……(pun intended) …i personally liked the part about gargantuan….still laughing at that….good job…
    war eagle.

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