The week after the NBA Finals, to me, is like the last week of high school before summer. The Prom is over, the grades are in, you balled up and asked Sara St. John to be your girlfriend and she sent you to Buddyville for an extended stay, and you’re just kind of waiting for summer to start.
It’s now June, and we’re in the equivalent of what I call Sports Purgatory. In this reflective, and boring state where we’re forced to watch Baseball highlights on SportsCenter, I find myself longing for College Football which is both a good and bad thing. Good because college football is the greatest sport known to man and bad because I live in the state of Alabama (the Northeast part) which is infested with delusional Alabama fans.
Now, before all of you University of Alabama fans pick up your empty beer bottles to hurl at me – allow me to disclaim: I have actually met and know some Alabama fans that are great people and exercise some semblance of common sense. Unfortunately, they are vastly overshadowed by the sheer density (I use that word specifically) of the Neck Nation who will be out in force on Sundays at your nearest NASCAR “event”. Should you ever attempt a conversation with this rare tribe of people, they will likely respond to facts about the sheer mediocrity of their team by saying “Roll Tide” (the school’s battle cry). Moreover, it seems they never quite escaped the year 1992 as evidenced by a great majority still sporting “the mullet”.
*mullet – the official hairstyle of the University of Alabama.
I digress…In the Spirit of Sports Purgatory, and in response to the environment I dwell in amongst my ‘Bama brethren, I give you my Top 3 reasons why I Hate Alabama Fans:
1. There’s an excuse for everything.
I remember observingAuburn fans during their miserable run between Terry Bowden and Tommy Tuberville’s tenor and the statement I heard most often was, “We’re just terrible right now” or something similar. In the last 8 years, I have heard every reason conceivable to man why Alabama is horrible including “scholarships being cut”, “If Brodie hadn’t been hurt”, “We had a bad coach”, and it just keeps going. Those are great excuses, but the reason Alabama is losing so much is that they’re just not good. Case closed.
2. They don’t quit talking.
Now this is just me, but if my team had been beaten 6 years in a row by my archrival – I would like to think that somewhere around year 3, I would just shut up. I remember last season when Alabama had beaten Tennessee and Auburn was coming off its poor start against South Florida and Mississippi State and you would have thought that the last 5 years had just not happened. Of course, that was weeks before that all-inspiring $4 million dollar 7-6 finish. I will say that after the UL-Monroe debacle, they did go into hiding for a few hours, but the next day the NASCAR stadium was full and beers were still being sold so you knew they were alive and kicking.
3. They refuse to deal with facts.
It’s simply insane if you take the time to do any research at all how ludicrous and subjective The University of Alabama’s football tradition really is. Consider these facts, and because it seems to really bother Alabama fans, I will use Auburn in my comparisons: In my lifetime of almost 30 years, Alabama is 13-16 against Auburn. In that same period of time, Auburn has won more SEC Championships, been undefeated twice, and beaten Alabama more times than they’ve lost. Do you want to know what the typical response to these facts are? “Roll Tide”. Powerful.
So, in conclusion, let’s talk our smack – raise our flags, fire up the grill, buy our favorite preseason Magazines for College Football and endure Purgatory. Here’s to all of you passionate fans (Bama definitely included) that make this game the best in the nation!
Daily Archive for June 30th, 2008
14. AUBURN – Jordan-Hare Stadium – As of the 2006 season, in 324 home games played in Jordan-Hare, Auburn has a winning percentage of .798 (255-62-7). On November 19, 2005, the playing field at the stadium was named Pat Dye Field, honoring a former coach. The stadium reached its current seating capacity of 87,451 with the 2004 expansion and is the tenth largest on-campus stadium in the NCAA.