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War Damn Chiz Auburn Shirt

Whats up with all the haters lately?  We have a whole new coaching staff and a bunch of young, hungry, excitable guys – we’ll turn this thing around, don’t worry.  Show everyone your loyalty to our dear ol Chizik by wearing the WAR DAMN CHIZ t-shirt to the Arkansas game in a couple of weeks.  War Damn Eagle!


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nine people + $5 a piece. =  UNLIMITED FUN

‘Knew What I was Doing’ Moments

    There are certain moments in history and events in ones life that you never forget and you can remember the details surrounding them like it was yesterday.  These are moments that are classified as ‘knew what I was doing’ moments.  For our parents it was when Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, when JFK was shot, and when disco died.  For our generation, we have the OJ verdict, Hurricane Katrina, and invading Iraq. 


moon.jpg                  ojverdict.jpg

   I was never one to focus on the negative, so to tell you the truth I couldn’t tell you where I was or ‘what I was doing’ during any of those events.  I can, however; remember in specific detail where I was, the surrounding events, and at the time was not sure but now I definitely ‘knew what i was doing’ when I received my first blowjob; which I would like to share with you all today.

  It was the summer of 1996.  Atlanta was getting ready for the Olympics, the no. 1 billboard hit was Los Del Rio’s “Macarena” and Dolly the sheep, the first mammal that was successfully cloned from an adult cell, was born at the Roslin Institute in Midlothian, Scotland.   I was where I was every summer as a teenager, in Long Island, NY, working for my Dad’s construction company, which at the time consisted of the duties of your local home depot dwelling Mexican labor worker.  Digging trenches, hauling lumber, and framing houses did not make up my ideal summer, it did however; have a positive effect on my post pubescent pudgy body, giving me the confidence that any young virgin would give his left nut for, not like they were using it anyways. 




       I spent my days working for my Dad and my nights and weekends hanging out with my cousins and their friends, regularly getting harrassed for the few words I said with a southern accent, using the word ya’ll, and being a ‘redneck’.   My cousin is a few years older than I am so I was happy to deal with the ridicule and to just be with older, cooler, and ‘more experienced’ kids.  I was fortunate to be introduced to a bunch of his friends and they invited me to a 4 of July party. 

       The party was interesting to say the least; see, my cousin was into the whole “death metal” scene.  So the party was filled with screaming music, tattoos, alcohol, pot, and people having sex in various locations of the house.  You would almost forget the average age of the attendee at this party was around 16.   A party like this will make you lock your kids in their rooms until they turned 21.  Dodging used condoms and broken beer bottles I strutted my way around the house, making small talk and doing some occasional head banging and/or moshing.   Needless to say, no one was interested in how Deep Blue defeated the reigning chess champion so I was doing more moshing than small talk.  I eventually met up with my cousin, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend’s cousin.  Is there more of a perfect ”in” then getting hooked up with your cousin’s girlfriend’s cousin?    I guess there would be in Tuscaloosa, AL, where you simply get hooked up with your cousin.


     I spent the rest of the evening talking with her and finishing the six pack I got the one 27 yr old, Jimmy Palermo was his name,  that was at the party to go buy me.   I found out 6 beers was a lot for a 14 yr old and I became “that guy” making out and falling all over the CGC (cousin’s girlfriend’s cousin).  The night was getting late and the fireworks had all been lit but the show was far from over.  The CGC and me found a room with a bed where there were only 3 or 4 people in the room passed out on the floor so we climbed into the bed and went under the covers.  I thought to myself, “This is it! This is the moment I’ve been dyeing to tell my friends about! I’m about to get laid!”  As we made out amongst a plethora of metal heads, I started taking off her clothes, exposing her 15 yr old breasts and vagine.  I whispered in her ear to set the mood, “Do you want me to find my cousin and get a condom?”  –  She shook her head, which then moved in the south direction.  I shifted my body so she was on top of me and tried to cover us with the blanket.  She unbuttoned my pants and I had the biggest smile on my face I had ever had, creating Brittany Spears sized stretch marks on each cheek, ear to ear.

     Now, the name of this article is ‘Knew What I was Doing Moments’, but I would have to say at this point, I had no idea what I was doing.   It was soon that I would find out, that the CGC didn’t know what she was doing either.   She got my pants pulled down and they were awkwardly down by my ankles, like a prisoner in a chain gang, I did not have much room for movement.  At this point I was fully aroused and in any other circumstances I’m sure I would have blown my load way earlier, but the 6 Red Dogs that I had drank earlier were still pumping through my system, giving me viagra stylez stamina.  As I looked down at her about to put her mouth over my special friend, I thought to myself, “She most certainly will have to open wider than that”  Not saying that I am well endowed like an NBA all star, but her mouth was looking like it was going to attack a straw to a milkshake, rather than a hot dog or Popsicle.  As she started to do her thing I couldn’t decide whether what she was doing felt good or not.  It was nice and warm, kinda dry, and she seemed to be moving so fast I couldn’t tell if I was getting pleasured or not.  And then, it happened, it felt like if my penis was a frozen windshield and someone was scraping the ice off of it.  Her teeth moved up and down my cock like she was whittling away a piece of wood.  I screamed, “AHHH WHAT THE FUCK! AHHHH!”  She sat right up, the blanket that was covering us flying through the air, exposing us to the now half awoken metal heads in the room.  “Are you OK?” she asked.  “YOUR NAWWING AWAY ON MY DICK!” I yelled.  Her faced turned red with embarrassment.  I grabbed the cover and put it back over us.  I whispered to her that it was OK and that we could try again.  She resisted at first, but I really wasn’t going to take NO for an answer and let something like this traumatize me for life.  So she tried again and this time, there were only intermittent scrapages, that I was fine with, considering the pain I was feeling before.  I eventually was released and It was like being in the freezing cold and jumping into a hot tub.  My manhood was reached and had something to tell my friends once I got back to the south.


           The summer of ’96 was a special one for me.  I came back home that summer a new man with a new outlook on life.  I knew now that something you look forward to might not turn out to be like you expected it, but with persistence and dedication it can be great.  Later that year Tupac would be shot in Vegas after a Tyson fight, Bill Clinton would beat Bob Dole in November, and the Yankees would beat the Braves in Game 6 of the World Series, and yet the only moment of the year that I can remember anything was the 4th of July and the events surrounding it.  I’ll never forget that wonderful, horrible, painful, life altering moment and I’ll never forger ‘What I was Doing’.